Benjamin Chait

XOXO 2024

1 September 2024

Last Saturday’s closing party marked not only the end of this year’s event, but also the conclusion of the festival itself some twelve years after it started. I’m fortunate to have attended the last six events and to be a part XOXO. And while I recognize (some of) the challenges around producing and hosting an event, especially in 2024, it’s still heartbreaking to realize that there won’t be another event next year.

My collection of notebooks and badges from each year of the conference

I hadn’t returned to Portland, Oregon since the day I moved to San Francisco some five years ago; my life is so very different. Portland itself is largely the same, yet it feels changed. New shops and buildings are scattered throughout, confounding my memories. It’s still proudly the Pacific Northwest. But the vibe is … different? Cara and I spent a few days exploring — her first real visit to Portland. We visited some favorite spots, saw some friends. Then she flew back to Chicago while I stayed to attend XOXO.

Benjamin holding his XOXO badge

I tend to describe XOXO as a celebration of artists and people who create things on the internet. It’s maybe one of my favorite parts of the internet, brought to real life. A few days of ridiculously talented, smart, empathetic humans doing cool shit. I knew in 2014 when attending XOXO for the first time that I’d found my people. I met folks that I’d only known through the internet (whether their blogs, photos, Twitter posts, etc) and got a chance to hang and talk with them as humans. Many Simple staff attended over the years, a fun way to explore with others who designed and built things on the internet — back when tech and the web felt different, more optimistic. (We were so young!) I remember meeting someone for the first time who I’d only known through Flickr; so many friendships born from these small moments. It became like a yearly reunion, seeing friends I’d made in prior years, hearing their updates. People changed jobs, got married, had kids. Most of the year we’d live in different cities and occasionally interact online; but we’d reconnect and celebrate together, in person for a few days each fall.

Then 2020 and Covid happened. The world was dark. For me, one bit of joy and excitement was the XOXO community, often the Slack group. It was a safe place to talk about my fears, my hopes. We had shared experiences, even if we couldn’t be together in person through the worst of the pandemic.

Time passed. I moved to Chicago. Changed jobs. Got engaged.

The 2024 festival was announced, already acknowledging this year’s bittersweet “one last time.” The past few months were full of emotions, and unexpected sadness. But I also had a group of friends on the internet. I didn’t feel alone.

That’s probably the key to all of this, at least for me: this feeling of not being alone. Of being part of something where people celebrate your accomplishments, both big and small. I’ve always been simultaneously intimidated by and in awe of my fellow attendees; ever admiring the amazing and creative and magical things they’ve created. Each event I’ve arrived feeling more than a little a bit of imposter syndrome, worrying my creativity and contributions aren’t good enough, exciting enough, interesting enough. And yet those were never more than fears — other XOXO attendees have always been so welcoming, their enthusiasm and interest always help me find my own excitement for my own work. Building people up. Finding fun in the act of creating things.

So much has changed since the first XOXO in 2012, and since attending my first event in 2014. Our online spaces are different; the optimism and the openness isn’t what it was. And while I think that isn’t all bad — private spaces are good! — I worry we’ve lost something. I’m anxious because I don’t know what will happen to this community without something to bring people together. But I have hope. I’ve learned so much, I’ve made so many friendships. This year’s conference had some amazing, inspiring talks. It’s all about smart people who give a damn; they’ll help create whatever comes next. But one moment from Cabel Sasser’s talk stands out, in part because this is how I will myself celebrate XOXO: “Appreciate everything endlessly.”

“Appreciate everything endlessly” on a slide

Forever inspired, and grateful. Thank you to Andy and Andy, and everyone 💛

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